He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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