My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
