I'm really into asian looking animals
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
