is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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