Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
