Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
this is an emotional support booty call
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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