i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All the doctor said was why
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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