so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I cut my penus on the lid.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
