you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
