no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
