If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize