she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
