Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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