your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
