you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
