So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
