Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
