Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
