Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
