When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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