when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
