Are we in a gay sports bar?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
