I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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