2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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