i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why do cheetos always look like penises
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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