There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
