I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
