I think my vagina is haunted
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
