Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
