she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
