I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
