I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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