I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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