between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
