Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
