He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
