New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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