..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool"Â excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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