If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
