I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
