my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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