wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
