so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
