Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
