yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
