dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
