I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
