I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
