so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
