I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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