It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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