If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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