I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
