its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
