if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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