I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
