im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
