If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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