i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
