I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
