I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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