I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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