I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
