There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
