I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i believe in u and ur pee
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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