Umm I'm too high to move.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
